Shiver

That girl, this girl.
Never The Girl.
Always coming around
and causing trouble.
Leave him alone,
Let him be happy.
My stomach turns,
I feel sick.
You've become a drug,
My current addiction.
Always wanting more,
To feel that feeling again.
I get what I want,
let us do it again.
Because once I leave
the feeling will fade.
More and More
Before I lose all control.
I shiver
I shake
Ecstasy.
The feeling overcomes me.
When will I feel it again?

The Morning Of

The door is cracked
I walk right through
Lock it back,
This is not new.
Through the clutter
I make my path.
Second door on the left
Say Hello to the puppy
let him out
close the door.
Lie down next to you--
It feels so right.
I want to breathe you in
Hold you close
Hold you tight.
The happiness overcomes
the guilt we feel.
Let go of reality
and enter the unreal.

What I Meant to Say

She smells of cigarettes
and Victoria's Secret perfume.
A pretty girl--
Just misunderstood.
A little crazy at times
But she always means good.
She just never knows
what she wants.

She fears all relationships
Friendships too.
She just wants you to be there
Doesn't want you,
But doesn't want her
To have you.

She's scared to lose you--
But doesn't want her feelings to get in the way.
She loves what she has
But right now she fears it might be
Taken away.

She doesn't understand
why you can't be content
with what you have.
You are always out
looking
for something more.


So she wants you
To know
That she's there
No matter what--
and to please not leave
no matter who comes
around.

You keep her sane
and you understand
her.
Just please don't leave yet--
She still needs you here.
Your friendship
She endears.

I Am Ready

I'm ready
To meet someone amazing.
I've matured enough,
I know I'm ready.

Make me happy,
Let me trust you
with all of my secrets.
I want to wake up next to you
every day.

Kiss me in the mornings.
Love every moment you
have with me.
Come to me,
because I know now that
I'm ready.

Wake me up with
a smile on your face.
Whenever you are ready
I'm here.
Waiting for
you.
Because today,
Just now.
I realize that I am
Ready.

Letting Go

There is an ending
To every beginning,
A time when the middle
is all just a memory.

There is always a time
when you finally realize
That pulling away is best.
You realize
Its time to let go.

There's always something
that clicks in your head,
like a warning sign.
Its time to go.

Your love is taken
advantage of.
There's no more time
to waste.
Its time to move on--
Time to let go.

They say the truth hurts.
They say no one is
worth your tears.
But they still fall,
one by one
down your face
as you realize you fell.

You are a disgrace.
Your feelings were never
spoken.
They went unsaid.
They were written across
your face.

They sparkled in your eyes
when that person was around.
But now its time--
Time to let go.

Once again broken down
with only hope
that next time it will be a little
better.
Naked and alone.
You learn to fake "ok".
Time will always heal,
but for now only pain.
Desperately wanting
to feel that happiness again.

He.

He's amazing...
He may be cocky, but thats why we love him
He loves to eat...mmm lots of meat.
Plain..meat and cheese...he doesn't need the other bullshit.
He sleeps on his right side...facing the left..
cuddling with pillows.
Tuck him in...he likes being taken care of..
Keep your hair out of his face...it tickles.
When he's in one of his moods, be silent..
but let him know you're there.
Scratch his back and don't breathe on his neck.
Melon gatorade and Amp TallBoys....
The superman drink...but only if you get the magnet.
A half gallon of chocolate milk...no really..don't come back with the pint.
The Meatwad show and lots of Family Guy..
Iron Chef and Pee Wee Herman..
Connect the dots..lalala
That smile...the one when his eyes seem so alive...
It can only make you smile back.
Honesty...don't ever lie.
Drama free...he won't put up with it..
I know all of these things...and many more..
One word for sure...
Amazing.

What Lies Ahead

As I lay here in bed,
not knowing what lies ahead
Wearing your old t-shirt
Knowing that I'm not ready to let go.
I want you to hold me,
tell me everything will be ok.

I'm bracing myself for the worst
but praying for something better.
My body is numb
I'm broken down
So vulnerable.

Its time for you to take command,
everything lies in your hand.
You're holding my heart
so tight
as it breaks apart.
Hold it close or let it go.

I just want to know-
what lies ahead.
I just want to know-
whats going on in your head.

I just need to know-
what lies ahead.
I just need to know-
good or bad.

♥

Enough

When is enough too much..
And too much enough?
Fine lines blurred into confusion.
Feelings out of control.
Thoughts like whirlwinds.
Words don't flow through the mouth.
Anger builds up.
Frustration overflows.
Volcano erupts.

Never been good with emotion
Never shown feelings
Never expressed thoughts
Build up inside me
Confuse me more
Frustrate me more
Love me more.
Somedays I attempt to explain
but others I'd rather not.
I'd prefer to fake a smile
and change the subject.
Dodge the questions.
Kiss me and shut up.
I will never say what you want.
Don't wait for the right words to come from these lips,
These lips you love to kiss.
What are you waiting for?
Quit asking me to explain.
It won't happen.
I'm a mess,
I'm a wreck.
I'm an open book,
I'm a lost cause.
I'm crazy, I'm sane.
Read my expressions, they'll tell more than my mouth.
Analyze my smile, my eyes.
Know my gestures, know my laughs.
Know my touch, know my kiss.
Because that's how I express.
Words don't do me justice.
Words get mispronounced,
misunderstood, mistaken,
misquoted, misread.
You can lie with your mouth,
but not your eyes.

Read me.

Life and Love

L♥ve

Life is beautiful,
Life is tragic-
Life is scary,
Life is fragile.
Life can be taken-
Life is given.
Life = L♥ve.
Love knows no boundaries.
Love is amazing.
You can see it, feel it,
touch it, almost smell it.
Even taste it.
Do we love to live
or
Live to love?
We take it for granted
until it puts us in check.
But then do we change?
No.
We are indestructible
and immortal.
Or so we think.
Why does it take a
TRAGEDY
for us to
APPRECIATE?!
Will we ever change
Or will we self-destruct?

White Lies

It's about you.
Everything.
Does it even
pertain
to you?
Does it even
matter
to you?
Imagination must
run wild
because I don't see it.
Look beyond yourself.
-Be more observant-
It's right in front
of your eyes.
So quit telling your
own little lies.

♥

The Little Things

Its the little things
that get me thinking,
that get my mind racing,
that bring back the pain--
I try to smother it.

Its the little things
brushing my teeth alone,
laying in bed alone,
I turn off my own light now-
I roll over and no one's there
I wake up and no one's there.

The little things like when he
would cover up Phoenix at night
and make sure everything was alright.
Lock the door
Check the temperature
Get my blanket for me.
Set the alarm that never woke me up.

Every morning-
roll over and tell me it was 10:00 am.
Jes-aren't you going to shower?
Pick your shoes up, there's 5 pairs in here.
What have you eaten today?
You're grounded.
Three kisses every morning,
and three at night.
I love you and goodnight.

Its not that I want him there-
or that I can't cope on my own.
Its just those little things
that bring on the tears.
That bring back the pain.
That make me hurt.

Its only at night-
when it gets so hard.
And in the morning,
when I wake up and he's not there-
I will remember why
and tell myself Good job.
You're finally free-
I can finally be me.

And each day a little stronger
I will grow.
And each day the pain will
go away a little more.
And soon I will heal-
but for now
the little things get me
everytime.

♥

One Simple Kiss

Is it love or is it lust?
My heart I do not trust.
The kisses and the butterflies,
and the way you look into my eyes.
You reach for my hand
and caress my hair.
I bare my soul for you.
It is right there.
I smile and giggle and laugh
like a child.
I can't remember the last time I felt this way,
Its has been awhile.
I shake and I shudder.
You call it complete bliss,
but how does all of this come from
one simple Kiss.
♥

The Best Friend

You ask me how I feel
I tell you everything inside
I feel like an idiot
because you can’t reciprocate
I get blown off
She comes over
Hey babe-talk to ya later
Who’s important now
Its not me
So tell me straight
Quit stepping around my feelings
the more you hold back
the more it hurts
Just break my heart
the way you did before
You know exactly what to do
I know you remember
Come on break it
Let me go, Let me let go
Get out of here.
Run away.
You know you want to
The sad thing is that its not her
But it will never be me
Will it?
The way you make me feel
The emotions, they overcome me
I’m no longer in control
I’ve lost control
You’re holding the reins
Drop them and get out of here
Tell her everythings ok
the girl you don’t like-
well she’s gone now
I left her in the cold.
I broke her heart.
I knew exactly what to do.
I can do it in the dark.

♥