Midnight Ramblings

I sit here, alone..in the living room on "my couch". My mind is racing with thoughts. I can't sleep, and generally when I can't sleep I choose to gorge myself with horrible food. I got up and made myself some hot tea, the sound of "Family Man" is quietly playing in the background. I am a strong-willed woman and turned down the horrible food..opted for a nice carrot instead. The hot tea will warm my belly and ease my racing mind.

I have chosen to make a few non- New Year's resolutions. I started yesterday actually. There is no need to wait until January 1 to make changes. These resolutions are:

-Eat Healthy (be a vegetarian again-because it makes me happy, not because it's a fun fad)

-Drink plenty of water (I have a diet coke addiction)

-Take care of myself (Most mothers tend to put themselves last-which explains why I never got around to taking a shower today ;-) )

-And last...but most important..Love fully. This includes my son, my family, myself, my friends, and anyone else that crosses my path.

These non- New Year's resolutions go along with something else in my life...my non-boyfriend, best friend. I've grown cold in the past few years- cold to love and openness, and prepared for hurt and pain. Trying to get my life together..although I wouldn't call it a mess..just a bumpy road. Lately I have been losing faith in doing the right things. Once again, being strong-willed, I continue to tell myself to stay positive- always do the right thing. I feel like I always do the right thing, make the right choices, say the right things. I have always been the pleasing type-since young childhood. I play nice to people I don't exactly care for, just because I know its the right thing to do. Pasting a smile on my face and pretending the past is unimportant.

A few things I have learned in 2009-

-naivety can be taken as stupidity

-ask advice from friends or non-boyfriends before doing/saying things you are uncertain about

-know what you want before saying "I will"

-always be 120% honest..especially when its the hardest thing to do

-the safe bet isn't always the best bet

-history repeats itself..unless you're willing to change it

I have a wonderful life. I am a peacekeeper. I am loved. I am happy.

...and I am welcoming the New Year. Happy almost 2010!